Ranting and Raving

So today, I went to a kidney specialist to see whats going on with me. I had to give a urine sample. Yay for peeing in a cup! Sweet! So he cant seem to know why my kidneys keep leaking so much protein. Ok, so here is the back story of me. Ok, so I was born with extra tubes going from my kidneys to the bladder. On my right kidney on of the tubes crossed over and  was cutting off the good tube, causing there to be a reflux of urine back  into the kidney and not the other way around. I had corrective surgery when I was a baby for this.

Ok so that being said. This kidney doctor thinks that may be the reason why I keep having UTI's and kidney infections. But he is unsure. He then goes off to say if its not a previous condition, then it could be 1 of 3 things.

1) Lupus
2) Hepatitis
3)Focal Proliferative Nephritis: Very early stage of more advanced lupus nephritis;
typically treated with high doses of corticosteroids, with excellent outcome.

He wants to a biopsy on my kidney. Which means sticking a large needle into my back an taking a tissue sample of my kidney. Its an overnight procedure. He wants to do a biopsy to make sure of any thing. *sighs* I have a DEATHLY fear of needles. I hyperventilate when I have to get a shot or when they draw my blood....Im not brave enough for this! Im too young for ANY of this!

So. This is what the doctor has today me. That being 24 I would a  very high chance of responding to steroids if its possibility #3. But given my predisposition of having a reflux problem as a baby, I "may" respond to steroid treatments. Great. Just F*ing great! The doctor is NOT giving any sort of confidence in anything! 

Right now, Im nervous, Im scared, Im in panic mode because, I dont know whats wrong with me. Everything he told me today, just does not sound good and it makes me very worried about whats going to happen to me. How long will this go on? If its treatable, will have I have to take medication for the rest of my life? Will I ever be able to have a family?? Does this mean Im going to die at an earlier age? Is any of this life threatening? I dont know. I just dont know. And I know my husband is going to tell me I dont need to worry about anything and that worry about it, isnt going to change anything, or make it any easier. 

This has been one CRAPTASTIC day! I want to scream and cry and fall down and beat my fists on the floor. I wish none of this is happening. But I cant. I just cant..........

--End transmittion

   AP

*Listening to:  Jamie Foxx ft T.I, "Just Like Me"