I have lost a good friend. It's been painful. It's been tough. Some part of me knows I have done the right thing. Some part of me is unsure. Though, I felt like I was already losing my friend, I wanted to stay. I don't like being that person. I understand that sometimes it's unavoidable, doesn't mean it doesn't make it less sucky. Sometimes there are paths that I just cannot follow. There are times when you have tried and tried to express your feelings, concerns, problems and it either gets dismissed, told it's off the table, or it goes in one ear out the other. I know they hurt too, I know part that is my doing (not all). Perhaps my guilt is talking to me. Though should I feel guilty for not jeopardizing my faith, my heart and feelings? Some small part of me wants to say, "Im sorry, I still want to be friends." But there is the other part of me that knows that I did the right thing and we need to be apart. I worry for her and her family to a point it breaks my heart. I pray God, that you open her eyes, lift the veil over her heart. I want at some point be friends again. I know that it's going to take time, and it's only going to happen through God.
One thing I prayed for is that what happens between us does not cause any problems with Eric and his friend. Unfortunately, Im afraid it has. It saddens me because I don't want to Eric to have to lose a friend because of me. I have no problem with Eric continuing to be friends with him, much to what people think otherwise.
I understand I am not a well liked person right now. I was told that I was going to have to face hardship. doesnt mean it's not going to be easy. I dont want anyone to pity me, this is not what this is all about. I just feel like Im going to explode if I dont write down my feelings. Personally, Im seriously re-thinking this. Either way, no one likes me right now, Im just going to have to accept that.
Advise anyone?? (message me privately)
--AP
